"It's Time for Weed", "My Wife the Srtripper" and Other Amusing Search Keywords

What do the internet keyword searches "it's time for weed" and "my wife the srtripper" (yes stripper is spelled incorrectly) have in common? If you Google either search term, my blog will show up in the search results (when I checked my blog was ranked #1 for "it's time for weed" and #9 for "my wife the srtripper").

I don't recommend Googling either term, but I found it highly amusing that people who typed in these search terms ended up on my blog.

How did this happen? Well if you follow the link for "it's time for weed" you will go to my blog post titled "It's time to weed" and if you follow the link for "my wife the srtripper" you will be directed to my blog post titled "My wife's stripper friend called me at work" (that's my June 9, 2009 blog post for anyone curious).

To date, people have used exactly 19 different keyword phrases to find my blog; some amusing, some ordinary, and others down right scary (I may have to be more selective in the phrases I place on my blog, though I'm sure this post won't help.)

I use Google Analytics to track this information. So without further adieu, here are the 19 keyword phrases and the ranking my blog has on Google for each as of 11/9/09:

1. human intelligence tasks (#8)

2. 13 wasted years conservative rule? (#1)

3. government socialism liberal conservative capitalism (#1)

4. how much do you get paid for human intelligence tasks (#1)

5. ideas of how to get my wifes friend to sleep with us (#9)

6. it's time for weed (#1)

7. liberal conservative progressive libertarian (#1)

8. misconceptions about peta (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

9. my wife is a striper (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

10. my wife the stripper (#48)

11. paid human intelligence tasks (#3)

12. progressive ideology wikipedia (#11)

13. stephen hawking predictions (#4)

14. stephen hawkings sleep (#2)

15. stripper friend (#20)

16. third political parties effective (#9)

17. was lyndon johnson a conservative, liberal, or socialist? (#3)

18. what impact can third parties have on major parties (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

19. wifestripper (#8)

Potty Mouth

Earlier this evening, Scoonie and I were watching the fifth season of Quantum Leap (disc two) for our date night when we heard Jr's voice requesting my presence. Although it was date night and the kids were supposed to be sleeping, I got up to see what Jr wanted.

Upon arrival, I found that Jr had done something that annoyed Fred. In retaliation, Fred had blurted "I hate you!" to Jr.

In our household, the phrase "I hate you" is not tolerated and Fred knows that; normally, soap and a mouth washing follows closely after uttering those words, but today I looked up at Fred (as she was on the top bunk) and said, "You don't hate your sister, you may dislike some of the things she does, but you don't hate her."

"Yes I do, I hate her."

"You don't hate her, you just dislike some of the things she does." (I'm a firm believer that repetition is the Mother of all learning.)

"But Dad she..." Fred continued on with her story and then uttered a four letter "D" word I've never heard come from her sweet little mouth (which is probably why I don't remember what her complaints about Jr were.)

"What did you say?" I queried with my stern voice, "What DID you say? You are not allowed to say that! That is not a word you should be saying!"

Fred froze and stammered, "What did I say?"

I spelled the word out for her. Fred tried to ameliorate the situation by saying she had not said that; I assured her she had and reiterated that she should not use such words.

At this point, Fred pulled her silk sheet over her head, assumed the fetal position, sobbed and then blurted, "But Mommy says it all the time...I didn't know it was a bad word!"

This was news to me. Yes, Mommy had her male stripper friend call me at work once, but I've never thought of her as a person with a sailor's mouth.

"What?" Yes, I had a real hard time keeping a straight face.

"Mommy says it all the time." Fred reiterated, "You hate me." More sobs.

"I don't hate you. I'm correcting you because I love you; if I didn't love you, I'd let you do whatever you wanted."

I continued to calm Fred down, then gave both Fred and Jr their second set of good night kisses, checked on George to make sure she had her blankets on, and then reported back to Scoonie and asked, "Did you know that you're the bad language influence for our kid?"

We both had a good laugh; but Scoonie is going to make sure she sits down with Fred and see if she can't figure out why Fred thinks this in the morning.

*Scoonie* Now if she had said @-$-$ I'd have to own up to the mouth washing but I DON'T say the other - I SWEAR! Oh wait, that's what started this whole problem ...

Testimonies of Little Children

Several years ago when I home taught with my father, one of our home teaching families asked us how it could be that little children could realistically bear a testimony about the gospel since they really didn't know too much about life and relied on their parents or siblings to assist them with their testimony. I don't recall what my father said, but the question has lingered in my mind since then and I seemed to think about it every time a child would bear his/her testimony at church.

A thought came to me this past Sunday and I shared it in my own testimony; I don't think I gave the subject much justice though. So I'm putting my thoughts down in writing and hopefully the written word will do justice to the insight I received.

When someone is baptized and then confirmed, they receive the Holy Ghost as a constant companion. Prior to this time, they can feel the influence of the Holy Ghost from time to time.

When a child goes up to bear his/her testimony, he/she has a belief and faith that what he/she believes is true and correct.

The same goes for adults. When an adult goes to bear his/her testimony, he/she has a belief or faith that what he/she believes is true and correct.

An adult relies on the Holy Ghost to assist him/her with the words to bear testimony concerning his/her beliefs and has faith that this belief is true and correct. A child, on the other hand, might rely on a parent or a sibling to assist him/her with the words of his/her testimony. The underlying principle is the same - the child or adult both has a belief and both have faith that what they believe is true.

A child's testimony may not have been tried and tested as much as an adult's testimony, and the child might be more capable of believing or having faith than an adult since he/she may not be distracted by worldly influences, but the underlying principle is the same.

The child relies on a parent or a sibling to provide the words of his/her testimony, while an adult will rely on his/her elder brother, the Holy Ghost, to assist him/her with what to say. Again, there are similarities between a child and an adult, each is relying on either a parent or a sibling to assist him/her with his/her testimony. The only difference is that the person providing the assistance for a child is visible when it is that child's parent or sibling, but the influence of the Holy Ghost is only visible to those watching with spiritual eyes.

That's the inspiration I received on Sunday. It came to me when I saw a sister helping her sibling with a testimony, and I thought to myself, isn't that what the Holy Ghost does?

The Fraud Squad

My wife took our Compaq computer to the Geek Squad at the Best Buy in Las Vegas located on the corner of Lake Mead and Rainbow on Monday the 26th of October 2009. She told them that either the video card/video card driver had stopped working and was not communicating with the monitor, and that the hard drive was full and needed to be defragged. She mentioned that I, her husband, had thought it would be a good idea to put the files contained on our computer's hard drive onto an external hard drive in order to free up space for our computer. The employee who spoke with her was rude and condescending toward her. In the end, they had her pay $386 up front for the following services at the following prices:


1) Data Protec (Advanced Data Management) for $80 (this appears to be a charge for saving our data files)

2) My Passport Esstential for $70 (this is a 250GB flash drive)

3) OS Service Diagnostic & Repair $200 (this appears to be a total wipe of our hard drive of all programs except some basic programs like Windows Media Player)

4) Computer Cleaning $30 (the employee who spoke to my wife had opened up the computer case and noticed a bunch of dust and suggested a cleaning)

5) Sales Tax $6


My wife was told that our computer would be ready by the 29th of October.


The Geek Squad called my house today, October 31st, and said that our computer was ready to be picked up. I drove down to Best Buy and spoke with another representative. He pulled out our computer and set it up to show me how my computer was working after the Geek Squad had supposedly finished servicing my computer.


The screen flickered like it had done prior to taking it to the Geek Squad. The employee said it was probably a result of my machine not talking to monitor correctly due age and settings. I instructed the employee to run a program. He chose Windows Media Player and my computer promptly crashed showing a blue screen that let him know the graphics card and/or graphics driver were not working properly.


The employee then opened the computer case and all the dust that was in there previously was still in there and it took him all of 5 seconds to point out that the upgraded graphics card we had in the machine was fried. I was beside myself at this point as it looked like the only thing that had been accomplished by the Geek Squad was a total wipe of every good program on our computer and a back-up of our data files on the 250GB flash drive. The orginal problem that drove us to bring our computer in was still unresolved and the cleaning we were being charged $30 for hadn't been performed.


The employee then went on to say that all that was needed to be done to fix the problem was to remove the upgraded graphics card and run the computer with the standard graphics card that was still in the machine. So he pulled out the card and then took 5 to 10 minutes to clean out the dust in my computer. After that, I noted that my computer could use an upgrade of its RAM. The employee helped me find 1GB of RAM that I could buy and put into my computer. Considering what I had just been through, I thought that I might be able to get a pretty good discount on the RAM so I asked the employee if he could give me one. The employee said he would have to ask his manager. The manager came and said all he could give me was a $10 discount - frustrated, I took the discount and paid $65 for the 1GB of RAM.


I then looked at my computer with the cover all ready off and asked if the employee could stick the RAM in the RAM slot for me so I could go on my way. The employee looked at me straight in the eye and said that he would have to charge me another $40 to stick the RAM in the RAM slot of my computer. Agast I said that I would do it and started to take the RAM out of the package; I was promptly told that I couldn't do that at the counter - I asked if I could sit down with my computer and work on it and he said that would be all right. Two minutes later, I had my RAM in my computer and put the cover back on the computer case myself and then started thinking $40 to do a two minute job is$1,200 an hour - man I should get a job installing RAM!


So after $451 and missed deadlines and horrible customer service, I am writing this post on the Best Buy Geek Squad message board and I am going to copy this post and put it on my blog and let all my Facebook friends know how the Geek Squad is actually the Fraud Squad and that my wife and I are taking our business elsewhere in the future.

AKA The Waterboy

At my house there are many positions on team Gubler. There's Mom, Dad, Daughter and Sister; but nothing compares to being named as "Waterboy". I've been serving in the position since 1999 though I have never officially received title or designation.

Valinda, whom we'll call coach, first started grooming me for the position after we found out Fred was on the way. Coach would be lying on our bed and I would come into our room, lie down and then start to get comfortable. As soon as I felt settled in, Coach would request in a sweet voice "Could you please get me a drink of water baby?" I would open my eyes look at the ceiling, grunt and then roll out of bed and bring her back a cup of water. Coach would then look at me and the cup and say, "That's kind-of a small cup." I'd grunt and turn around and bring her back a larger cup of water.

Coach would then explain to me that this routine was just training for when the baby came as the baby would require a lot of attention and would be waking up in the middle of the night.

So Fred arrived and, sure enough, required a lot of attention and midnight feedings. My job would be to run to the kitchen, make bottles for Fred in my half-sleep state, and take the bottles to Coach. Next came Jr. and then George. Same routine, though by George Coach was letting me slack off and would keep bottles close to our bed. It seemed like those first four months for each kid I didn't get much sleep; though I'm sure Coach slept less then me during those days. For all those who think Coach was mean to the Waterboy, I was glad to help out.

Currently, my duty is to provide water at bedtime. For instance, George will ask, "Dad will you get me some water in a sippy cup?" As I'm kissing her on the cheek and tucking her in.

"Yes," I say and hurry to the kitchen and fill up the first sippy cup I can find all the pieces to. I rush the sippy cup back to George whereupon she examines it and looks up at me and says, "Not this sippy cup Dad...I want the blue one!"

Coach trained me well.