Living Scriptures

It's 4am and I woke up thinking about some scriptures and their current meaning in my life. The first scripture is Nephi 3:7 where Nephi states "...I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

The second is Abraham 3:27 - "And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me..."

I looked up Abraham 3:27 and another scripture caught my eye; that scripture is Abraham 3:25 "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;"

I've heard these scriptures many times before, but they have a particular meaning to me today that they didn't have before.

In the last couple of years I have wondered why I was called to my last couple of church callings. Quite frankly I believe there are more qualified individuals who could have fulfilled these callings and assignments. And, while I don't know why I was called to serve in the specific callings, I know that I have learned from them.

The Lord gives us opportunities to serve in varying capacities and we have opportunities to grow if we take those assignments.

When I looked up Nephi 3:7 online, I saw that there was a link for the word "will". If you click on that link the options include links to the Topical Guide for "Faith", "Loyalty", and "Obedience". Accepting church assignments and callings shows the Lord all of these things.

I know that these thoughts are all over the place...Did I mention it is 4am? I will come back and look at these things again and see if I can organize them...I'm going to go back to bed now.

A Homeless Guy Named Ken

Occasionally over the last month or so I've left work and found a homeless man sleeping next to a sidewalk in the vacant lot directly behind my work. At times, I've walked past him and his maxed-out shopping cart as I've headed to my car.

This past Sunday I prepared and gave a lesson on service and wondered what my duty was to this man as a priesthood holder and a Christian. In the class discussion I asked for insights on what I could do for him. I decided that the next time I saw him, I would see if he would like something to eat. A member of the class suggested I ask if he needed to talk to a relative; I agreed to do that as well.

I didn't have to wait long to see what I could do for him. Tonight as I came out of work, the man was in his usual spot sleeping. I approached him and asked him if he was all right and if he needed anything.

He said he was just sleeping and that he could use a house. I told him that I couldn't do anything about the house at the moment, but I could get him something from Burger King. He said I could get him something if I wanted to. I also asked him if he'd like to call a relative; to which he said that he didn't have any. So I went to Burger King and picked up a Whopper value meal for him. When I returned, I gave him the meal and found out a little more about him. From what I could see, it looked like he was in his 50's and hadn't shaved or had a haircut in quite some time. I found out his name is Ken and he's from Los Angeles. He apparently came to Las Vegas because it was a little warmer.

Now that I've made the initial contact, I wonder what else I could do for him. He definitely could use a place to stay and a way to get back on his feet. I'm open to your input.

The Music Biz and Me

A few weeks ago I had this grand idea to get a song sung by Fred onto ITunes. So I started navigating the music industry to find out what it takes to get a song on ITunes. First, I learned some terminology:

1. Permanent Digital download - this is what you download from ITunes

2. Backing track - a recording used for accompaniment; sometimes called a practice track or karaoke track

3. Sound recording - a musical recording; could be instrumental, singing and instrumental, etc

4. Tracking - the process of recording music in a studio

Then I learned about uses and licensing. What you need to know about uses is there are personal uses and then there are commercial uses. Karaoke tracks you purchase and download are personal use tracks; normally, they can be used in performance, but they can't be used commercially in projects such as a new sound recording unless separate permission is given - this permission comes in the form of "Master Use" and usually comes with an additional price and license.

At this point I should back up a bit. Anyone can make a backing track (i.e. anyone can get the sheet music for a published song and record their own backing track). However, if you don't have the musical skills to create your own backing track, you have to hire someone to create it for you. If you hire someone to create a custom backing track for you, you are going to end up paying for their time and as well as studio time; consequently, buying a prerecorded backing track is generally more economical than having someone else create a custom backing track for you.

Then there is the matter of royalties. Once a song has been released commercially it is fair game for sound recording. However, if you record someone else's song you have to file the appropriate compulsory licensing paper and pay the appropriate royalties. Royalties are done on a per download basis when you are dealing with permanent downloads; these types of royalties are what are known as mechanical licenses or digital download licenses (FYI - I've found mechanical licensing to be interchangeable with digital downloads and licensing a song for use on a CD).

For those keeping track at home, there are (a) fees for the backing track master use license and (b) royalties to use the sound recording to be downloaded from ITunes.

The most important part of getting your song ready for ITunes is the tracking. Once you have the backing track, you can take it down to your local recording studio and get your song recorded. You ought to make sure you have a capable tracker for this and a good producer as they ultimately determine what ends up in your recording. Some studios include a tracker in their hourly recording rates. From what I understand, you should plan on 1 hour of editing for every hour of recording.

Next are the matters of getting the song copyrighted and also getting the song on ITunes. Yes, you heard correctly; in music the composition gets copyrighted and sound recordings can be copyrighted too. Yes, there is a fee to copyright the music too.

What about getting the song on ITunes? You actually can't put a song directly onto ITunes. ITunes requires you to upload your song through an music aggregator. Of course there is a fee for that too; not to mention ITunes keeps 29 cents for each 99 cent digital download sold.

So after all of this, you get a song that is listed on ITunes. What are you looking at as far as cost?

- Backing track $50 to $350 (some have limits to the number of downloads you can have - i.e. less than 5,000 - and a per download royalty for the number of downloads after the limit has been reached (i.e. 23 cents a download after 5,000 downloads))

- Music aggregator $9.99 for a single song $49.99 for an album (tunecore.com)

- Tracking $75/hour (does not include producer rate)

- Royalties 9.1 cents per permanent digital download (you generally advance royalties based on expected downloads - minimum of 25; if you go through an agency, there is an application fee of $14 to $15 per track)

- Sound recording copyright $65

I can see how someone producing their own album could spend thousands of dollars; from what I understand, it is not unusual for people to spend thousands of dollars to produce one song.

Based on my numbers, I could produce a song for Fred to be on ITunes for between $310 to $750 depending on the backing track purchased and the amount of tracking time (Fred's vocal instructor has volunteered to be Fred's producer at no charge).

I'm investigating funding the project through kickstarter.com. Kickstarter is like a PBS fund drive for indie artists. This is because you have to come up with "Rewards" for people who donate to your project; the "Rewards" tend to relate to the project being funded (i.e. a reward could be a personalized thank you letter from the artist or a pre-release of the single/album, etc). I am open to suggestions on this front.

Kickstarter gets 5% of the funding; while Amazon charges a credit card fee between 3% to 5% on funding by credit card; thus, it looks like funding through Kickstarter leaves you with 90 to 92% of the funds collected after all is said and done. However, if a project doesn't get fully funded, then no funds are collected from anyone and the project doesn't get funded (it's all or nothing funding).

I'll keep you posted as everything progresses.

My Fearless Daughters

The performing arts can be daunting and just getting in front of people is scary for most people. I tell you this because last month Jr and George performed in their dance recital, and this month Fred performed in her voice recital. They all did extraordinary, and I am extremely proud of them. To be blunt, they were fearless.

Below are some videos of Fred's performance from tonight (she sang "I Know It's Today" from Shrek the Musical and "When You're Alone" from Hook):

Below are some pictures from Jr and George's dance recital and a video of Jr doing the Can Can (George is a flower in the Alice in Wonderland dance):

I look forward to them continuing to develop their talents.

We've Got Movement...

I had been trying to figure out how to get some bolts off the bottom of my Miata for some time now and finally had a break through this week. My gear head friend came over and showed me how to interlock two wrenches or a socket wrench and a wrench to get leverage; couldn't have been easier. We were able to take off the power plant frame, some bolts off the differential, and the transmission. I then worked on my own and took out the front sway bar, the radiator, the condenser, and the heat shield by the catalytic converter. Here are some pictures of the adventure:

Here's some stuff that came off my car!

This is what it looks like under the car...

I've got a hole in the front of my Miata...

Here are the missing pieces!

I'm almost to the point where the engine will be coming out; should be out by two weeks from today! Then I get to start tearing into the Ford Mustang that's park to the side of my house!

This Car is Under Construction

Here are some pictures of the work I'm doing on my Miata. I know these photos are a bit graining; maybe Scoonie will show me all that knowledge she gained at the Bloggers conference on lighting and cameras, and help me adjust my phone's camera to get better pictures one of these days. Until then, you're stuck with these sort of pictures.

Yep, that's the hood from my car and the other is a picture of the Miata's engine minus a MAS airflow sensor, its box, and some tubing. I also took out the clutch master cylinder.

Here are some of the parts lying around in my garage - a tail light that I'm going to install and the MAS airflow sensor, its box, and the clutch master cylinder. Oh, yeah and the Miata's computer - I had to have help to locate that; it was under a metal plate on the floor of the passenger's side. The other picture is of where the center console of my car used to be - yes, I removed the stick shift too.

I found out the hard way that the plug running into the MAS airflow sensor has a little metal band that needs to be removed prior to unplugging it. Apparently if you unscrew where the plug goes into the MAS airflow sensor and then pull the plug you rip out the guts of the MAS airflow sensor - oops there goes my Ebay resell value. Oh well, at least I won't make that mistake again.

I'm tempted to go buy a soldering iron and some rosin core solder to see if I still have the skills I honed in eigth grade in shop class, and see if I can fix the innards of the MAS airflow sensor. At least it can't hurt, right?

Monkey Tour Brought to You by Casual Blogger Conference 2010

My Monkeys and I had the chance to tour SLC and Provo for two days while Scoonie attended the 2010 Casual Blogger Conference held in Sandy, Utah. Below is a pictorial recap of the Monkey Tour. I apologize in advance for the quality of the photos. I encountered two problems (a) Me and (b) My Camera Phone. Also, these are only part of the pictures that were taken of the Tour; many more can be found on my Facebook page (for those of you who haven't befriended me on Facebook, this is my evil plot to finally reach 200 friends).

Yep, first stop after dropping Scoonie off at her bloggers' conference - Target. The Monkeys and I picked up some ice for the cooler and took a potty break.

After target, we made our way to Temple Square. We parked around 200 N 200 W and hiked the rest of the way. Here are the Monkeys with the SLC Temple in the background (I'm sure I didn't need to point that out, but whatever...) No, you aren't seeing double, George is just very photogenic.

They loved climbing the steps at the front of the Temple and...

putting their hands in this fountain in front of the Temple (sorry Scoonie, it happened so fast there was nothing I could do...honest!)

We also saw the inside of the Tabernacle and the Visitors' Center. A bearded dad by himself with three daughters must have been a novelty for the sister missionaries as I was approached by at least three different sets of them. One of the sister missionaries was shocked that I had attended BYU and hadn't gone through a live session at the SLC Temple - after all, I had lived so close. Oops, I guess one day Scoonie and I ought to do a session at the SLC Temple.

Here they are in front of the Conference Center. When we entered the CC the greeters asked if we wanted a tour, I asked how long the tour was and they told me "45 minutes". Since it was lunch time and the Monkeys were running low on patience, I negotiated a "15 minute" tour. Yes, we missed the gardens on the roof and the busts of the prophets, but we did get to see the 20,000 seat interior, a fountain, and the original BOM paintings that hang inside. I'll have to negotiate the remaining tour next time we're in town.

After Temple Square and lunch at Mc-ee-d's, we headed over to the Clark Planetarium (formerly Hansen Planetarium) and watched the movie "Attack of the Space Pirates". The Monkeys loved the movie and its goofy plot, and we learned about space and quantum physics or something like that.

We stopped next at my sister M and her husband - Legal Man - 's house. M made a wonderful dinner and The Monkeys played with their cousin on M's playground out back.

After visiting with M and Legal Man we turned around and headed back to SLC to visit my cousin The Artist. The Artist happily had milk shakes with us and entertained my Monkeys. They loved every moment and even spent some time swinging on The Artist's front porch. Just after 10pm we picked up Scoonie at her conference.

The second day saw us visiting BYU. We visited the Bean Museum and...

saw Brigham Young himself; surprisingly enough, he had found his way back in front of the Administration Building; though he no longer does the funky chicken since there is now a hedge between him and the court yard that sits on top of the biggest library in the world (or at least the biggest library my Monkeys have ever seen. Jr pointed out that the biggest library is in Washington DC thank you very much - I'll take her word for it.)

I went over budget at the bookstore, but it wasn't my fault - George couldn't find a $5 book that had cool pictures; besides have you seen those "eyes"?

After splurging at the bookstore, we headed out to see Scoonie's friend from college and his family.

Scoonie caught up with us and then we all head to Chuck-A-Rama for some good food and laughs.

We ended day 2 by going to the Provo temple and taking pictures out by what I'm pretty sure is a fountain that wasn't in existence when I lived in Provo.

Many thanks to all who helped us have so much fun on the Monkey Tour especially Zanne and her husband for letting us stay with them while we were there!

The Taekwondo Experiment Ends

One year ago Fred and Jr decided they wanted to attend a promotional Taekwondo class to get free pizza. They asked Scoonie if she would take them, but she told them "no" because she was working on a sewing project (she told me afterwards that she didn't want to take them so she wouldn't be sucked into Taekwondo classes); Jr then asked me with her big brown eyes to take them and said "Mom was too busy." I thought it would be a good idea to get the kids out of the house while Scoonie worked and also that it would be fun to spend some time with the kids. So I drove Fred, Jr, and George to the free class.

While at the free class, I could tell the main instructor worked well with my kids and that they responded well to him. Afterwards, the instructors gave a sales pitch and Fred and Jr were eager to sign-up for classes (George didn't participate as she was playing the shy, scared "I want to cling to my Daddy's leg" part). The sales pitch by the instructors was "Normally there is a $225 initial down payment and eleven monthly installments of $125 for lessons per student" (a total of $1,600 per child for one year or $3,200), but if I put $49 down, I could evaluate them for two weeks risk free and I could enroll both Fred and Jr for the price of one student; on top of that, they would discount the remaining tuition for the year to $999; uniforms were included in the price. Both Fred and Jr could attend twice a week.

This sounded good to me; think about it, if you do the math, there are 52 weeks in a year. If you take $1,048 ($999 plus $49) and divide it by 52, you get about $20 and if you divide that by 2 (the number of classes per week), you get approximately $10 per class, and if you divide that again by 2 (the number of kids I was enrolling), you get about $5 per kid per class for one year. On top of that, it was something that I could do with my kids a couple of times a week.

So I put the $49 down, went home and talked it over with Scoonie. First, Scoonie told me that the reason she had not taken the kids herself was she didn't want to get sucked in to Taekwondo classes. I discussed the cost with her and explained that I thought this was something that I could do with them. Scoonie agreed to go along as long as this was my thing; I was in charge of taking the kids.

Thus, I started taking Fred and Jr to Taekwondo classes twice a week and George tagged along. After the two week evaluation period, Fred and Jr still were enjoying their classes and I paid the additional $999.

In July, the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles graced the girls' dojo and everything seemed great in the Taekwondo world. Then August rolled around and Fred shocked me with the news she wanted to quit prompting a Dr. Phil moment at my house. Ultimately, Scoonie and I agreed that Fred didn't have to participate in classes, but she still had to go and watch Jr with George and myself. Fred watched once and then started the lessons again. Fred's instructor didn't pressure her and made sure to let her know how well she was doing and pointed this out during class; eventually, Fred started liking classes again and everything was fine until March 2010. Scoonie even made a tax season concession to take Fred and Jr one day a week to their class.

In late February, Scoonie and I decided it was time to get equipment for Fred and Jr as they had progressed to a level beyond the basic classes. I did some looking into equipment prices at the Taekwondo school, but couldn't get straight answers on equipment pricing, and noticed some of the students in class were using dowel rods for sticks. I took this as a sign that we could buy equipment from other sources and looked up pricing on Ebay; after looking around, I found some very nice affordable equipment and made purchases for both Fred and Jr. The equipment quickly arrived and we surprised both Fred and Jr the morning of March 4th - it was just like Christmas! The girls tried on their equipment and started sparring. Class had moved from 6:15pm to 4:30pm as the girls had moved from the lower ranked class to the higher ranked class; so I left work early and picked the girls up and took them to Taekwondo.

Unfortunately, an instructor in training was teaching the first high rank class for Fred and Jr and was more physical/business like than what Fred and Jr were used to; so when it came time for Fred and Jr to put on their equipment, Fred decided to sit out the rest of the class. On top of that, Jr started putting on her equipment, but was told by one of the regular instructors that she could not wear it. His reasoning was this was "due to insurance purposes". I explained I would happily sign a waiver, but then found out the real reason; it was not their brand of equipment and it was nice equipment to boot. In talking with the main instructor, he said that the reason the dowel rods were allowed was that they couldn't brand sticks and so any type of stick was allowed (yes, that really was his answer; my thought was, "yeah, I couldn't tell those dowel rods weren't really martial art standard sticks.")

Over the next couple of weeks, I worked things out with the Taekwondo school. I bought a minimum amount of the school's brand equipment (helmet, hand guards, and chest protector) from them; the main instructor provided an equipment bag, a couple of short sticks, and a nun-chuck (I'm sure he provided them from his own pocket as it didn't sound like the school was willing to negotiate); and the girls were able to use the re-breakable boards Scoonie and I had purchased as the boards were the "correct" brand.

Yes, the equipment experience left a bitter taste in Scoonie's and my mouth (here's Scoonie's recount of the experience), but I talked with Scoonie and we decided to let the kids finish what they started. The instructors continued to instruct Fred and Jr, and I did not see animosity between the instructors and our kids.

Over the last couple of months, George made a friend with another little girl at the Taekwondo school who was watching her sibling, and now wants to start Taekwondo lessons in a year (that's when the other little girl is supposed to begin lessons).

On April 30th, both Fred and Jr were awarded purple belts! I'm very proud of my girls for sticking with Taekwondo and fulfilling their commitment for the whole year!

Here are pictures of my girls with the main instructor (we did return to him the equipment he provided us):

If Writing is Your Thing...

These days, anybody with access to a computer and an internet connection can start writing and become published on a whim. Making money writing, however, is still as challenging as it has ever been, though the internet offers unique opportunities. Anyone who has tried out Google's Adsense and pay per click arrangement should understand what I'm talking about.

What alternatives are available? I did some web-surfing and found that compensation arrangements ranged from pay per article to lifetime royalties to pyramid-like referral fees. Below is a list of sites that I found and a general description of what they provide:

1) Demandstudios.com. This site will pay you per article you write and claims that their average writer earns $20 an hour. You need to apply to be a writer for them; the application process includes a submission of writing sample.

2) Suite101.com. This site will pay you lifelong royalties based on the income your articles generate. You are required to apply, which includes submit writing samples. Once approved to be a writer, you need to produce 10 articles every three months to keep your "writer" status.

3) Examiner.com. You receive royalties based on the income your articles generate; you are required to apply for a specific writing topic for your locale; and your application requires samples of your writing.

4) Associatedcontent.com. You can be paid up front writing fees or based on page views; the up front writing fees range from $2-$15 per article, while the page view fees start at $1.50 for every one-thousand page views (the page view fees max out at $2.00 per one-thousand page views.) There is no application process; rather, there is a registration process.

5) Constant-content.com. You name your price on this site; the site works like a consignment shop for writers. You can specify a price for usage rights, unique rights, and/or full rights. Usage rights gives a publisher the right to use an article once (other publishers may buy the article too); unique rights gives a publisher exclusive rights to an article, though original writer needs to be credited; and full rights gives a publisher the right to modify the content and to resell the content under his/her name. Writers register to begin consigning their articles.

6) Xomba.com. Xomba uses Google Adsense revenue sharing with it's writers. Writers receive a 50% split on from Adsense revenue earned on their articles and a 10% revenue share on writers who were referred to Xomba by them. No application is needed; writers sign-up as members of Xomba.

7) Mylot.com. Mylot pays writers per post they create (either as an originator or for making discussion contributions) and also pays writers 25% of what their referrals are paid. Sign-up is required.

8) Peoplestring.com. Peoplestring is a social networking site bragging it gives 70% of its revenues to its members. Free members get paid 5% of their direct referrals earnings and 2% of earnings from referrals levels 2 through 6. Entrepreneur members get paid 20% of their direct referrals earnings and 6% of earnings from referrals levels 2 through 6. Members receive a share of all memberships, ads, search and paid placements. Each members share of revenue is determined based on the number of times they login to Peoplestring. Sign-up is required; membership is free; the Entrepreneur package is $200.

So, if writing is your thing, maybe this information will help you start your own online writing empire.

Memories from a Galaxy Far Far Away...From a Time That Doesn't Seem So Long Ago

Wow, has it really been since November 22nd of last year since I posted on my blog? I just checked my Google analytics account and people still seem to be finding my blog - 58 hits since November; most of the hits were for my blog posts relating to Stephen Hawking and Human Intelligence tasks.

Time to get back on track - here's something I was working on before my hiatus for the holidays and tax season:

The year was 1998. I had a job at BYU Takeout where I eventually worked my way up to the position of supervisor. I lived at Stadium Terrace apartments. My roommates were Buddy (aka Tony), Dalan, Jonathan, Justin, and Rich. I fit sand volleyball in between studying and work whenever I had the chance.

The month was August and on the 23rd I taught Sunday school. As I taught, a lovely young lady in a yellow dress sat in the front row with a distracting ear to ear smile. Whenever I looked in her direction, she had that smile on her face distracting me from my lesson plan. I found out later that she and her friend Zanne were trying to see how many times that they could get me to stop and say "ah, um" and look at my paper.

One week later, that same girl stole my ward questionnaire for the upcoming Fall semester and filled it out for me. On the relationship status line she wrote that I was not only engaged, but that I was engaged to her and that we were getting married someday.

My Family Home Evening group didn't show up on Monday so I tagged along with my "fiancee's" FHE group. While walking back from FHE we went past the apartment pool and I started to coax my "fiancee" towards the pool, but before I could throw my "fiancee" in, Zanne intervened and convinced me to stop.

Later that week, my sister, Goatee, borrowed my car just before I realized my apartment cupboards had no food. Somehow I ended up talking to my "fiancee" by the volleyball courts, mentioned my dilemma, and how it was really too bad I didn't have my car. My "fiancee" agreed and then remembered her that she had a car - no, not "oh, wait a minute I have a car", but "oh, hang on, duh, I have a car" (my "fiancee's" grandfather had dropped it off not more than a week earlier for her). Soon we were on our way to a poor starving college students Mecca - Taco Bell (I am currently being informed that she ordered a lemonade and I bought a chalupa and that we talked about how my "fiancee" had worked at the Taco Bell we were visiting at one point and that I would have frequented it during the time period she worked there - I'm pretty sure right at that moment I heard a choir of angels sing "ah-ah-ahhh".)

So our friendship started and soon after I asked her out. Our first date was September 4th; we doubled with my roommates, went to Applebees for dinner, and then went to see the Pink Floyd lightshow in 3D at Hansen Planitarium in SLC. Starring up at a ceiling and watching lights to Pink Floyd made my date nauseous, but she somehow held it together.

Afterwards, as we headed back to Provo, we realized the SLC freeway was closed for construction and ended up having a little more time to talk with each other then originally planned. Eventually, we drove through what seemed to be all of SLC and then back to Provo; I walked my date to her door and continued to speak with her on her doorstep.

For whatever reason, I said something suave like "Hey, I like your socks; do you want to make out?" And I'm sure because she was worn down by being nauseous, trapped in a car with me for hours, and that it was 1am, that she actually kissed me!

(to be continued)

Our Pup Comes with Family History

Our Pup, whom we'll call "Mellow" for blogging purposes, came with genealogy done for him. That's right, he has Pedigree records showing four generations for his Father and six generations for his Mother.

Mellow's Grandfather on his Mother's side has 52 champions in his blood-line and is also a champion. Meanwhile Mellow's Grandmother on his Mother's side has 11 champions in her blood-line.

Looking at Mellow's family tree on his Father's side, you will find 4 champions in his Grandfather's line and 2 champions in his Grandmother's line.

Now for the interesting part. Dogs' lineages get real peculiar when you look through the trees. For instance, the same Sire (Ken's Pocket Rocket - who is a Kentucky champion, by the way) happens to be Mellow's great, great, great Grandfather twice in his Grandmother's line from his Father's side. Further, Ken's Pocket Rocket is also Mellow's great grandfather in his Grandfather's line from his Father's side.

Confused? Well, I've kept it simple so far, I haven't added in the connections from Mellow's Mother's line. You see, Ken's Pocket Rocket also shows up as Mellow's great, great, great Grandfather on his Mother's Father's side as well as his great, great, great Grandfather on his Mother's Mother's side. Add a couple more greats and you'll find Ken's Pocket Rocket as Mellow's Grandfather again - once on his Mother's Father's side and twice on his Mother's Mother's side.

Now that's something only someone born in Arkansas or Indiana can appreciate.

There are, of course, other situations like this that crop up in Mellow's tree, but I won't bore you with those details.

I will, however, point out some of the more interesting names in Mellows ancestry. For instance, there's Ken's Giggles Galore (I'm thinking Ken was a fan of James Bond); Simba Mufasa May (sounds like someone was watching a little too much Lion King); Cathey's Lil Spankey Man (no comment); San-Lee's Wild Cherry (poor dog probably grew up to be a stripper); and Shari's Blame it on Mexico (parents, don't ever do this to your kids, no one wants to know where they were conceived; imagine the number of shrinks this puppy had to visit!).

So what are the names of Mellow's parents? Wooden Nickel and Sinder Ella. As my children love Princesses, it's only fitting Mellow's Mom is one too.

"It's Time for Weed", "My Wife the Srtripper" and Other Amusing Search Keywords

What do the internet keyword searches "it's time for weed" and "my wife the srtripper" (yes stripper is spelled incorrectly) have in common? If you Google either search term, my blog will show up in the search results (when I checked my blog was ranked #1 for "it's time for weed" and #9 for "my wife the srtripper").

I don't recommend Googling either term, but I found it highly amusing that people who typed in these search terms ended up on my blog.

How did this happen? Well if you follow the link for "it's time for weed" you will go to my blog post titled "It's time to weed" and if you follow the link for "my wife the srtripper" you will be directed to my blog post titled "My wife's stripper friend called me at work" (that's my June 9, 2009 blog post for anyone curious).

To date, people have used exactly 19 different keyword phrases to find my blog; some amusing, some ordinary, and others down right scary (I may have to be more selective in the phrases I place on my blog, though I'm sure this post won't help.)

I use Google Analytics to track this information. So without further adieu, here are the 19 keyword phrases and the ranking my blog has on Google for each as of 11/9/09:

1. human intelligence tasks (#8)

2. 13 wasted years conservative rule? (#1)

3. government socialism liberal conservative capitalism (#1)

4. how much do you get paid for human intelligence tasks (#1)

5. ideas of how to get my wifes friend to sleep with us (#9)

6. it's time for weed (#1)

7. liberal conservative progressive libertarian (#1)

8. misconceptions about peta (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

9. my wife is a striper (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

10. my wife the stripper (#48)

11. paid human intelligence tasks (#3)

12. progressive ideology wikipedia (#11)

13. stephen hawking predictions (#4)

14. stephen hawkings sleep (#2)

15. stripper friend (#20)

16. third political parties effective (#9)

17. was lyndon johnson a conservative, liberal, or socialist? (#3)

18. what impact can third parties have on major parties (I couldn't find a link to my blog in the first 10 pages of results)

19. wifestripper (#8)

Potty Mouth

Earlier this evening, Scoonie and I were watching the fifth season of Quantum Leap (disc two) for our date night when we heard Jr's voice requesting my presence. Although it was date night and the kids were supposed to be sleeping, I got up to see what Jr wanted.

Upon arrival, I found that Jr had done something that annoyed Fred. In retaliation, Fred had blurted "I hate you!" to Jr.

In our household, the phrase "I hate you" is not tolerated and Fred knows that; normally, soap and a mouth washing follows closely after uttering those words, but today I looked up at Fred (as she was on the top bunk) and said, "You don't hate your sister, you may dislike some of the things she does, but you don't hate her."

"Yes I do, I hate her."

"You don't hate her, you just dislike some of the things she does." (I'm a firm believer that repetition is the Mother of all learning.)

"But Dad she..." Fred continued on with her story and then uttered a four letter "D" word I've never heard come from her sweet little mouth (which is probably why I don't remember what her complaints about Jr were.)

"What did you say?" I queried with my stern voice, "What DID you say? You are not allowed to say that! That is not a word you should be saying!"

Fred froze and stammered, "What did I say?"

I spelled the word out for her. Fred tried to ameliorate the situation by saying she had not said that; I assured her she had and reiterated that she should not use such words.

At this point, Fred pulled her silk sheet over her head, assumed the fetal position, sobbed and then blurted, "But Mommy says it all the time...I didn't know it was a bad word!"

This was news to me. Yes, Mommy had her male stripper friend call me at work once, but I've never thought of her as a person with a sailor's mouth.

"What?" Yes, I had a real hard time keeping a straight face.

"Mommy says it all the time." Fred reiterated, "You hate me." More sobs.

"I don't hate you. I'm correcting you because I love you; if I didn't love you, I'd let you do whatever you wanted."

I continued to calm Fred down, then gave both Fred and Jr their second set of good night kisses, checked on George to make sure she had her blankets on, and then reported back to Scoonie and asked, "Did you know that you're the bad language influence for our kid?"

We both had a good laugh; but Scoonie is going to make sure she sits down with Fred and see if she can't figure out why Fred thinks this in the morning.

*Scoonie* Now if she had said @-$-$ I'd have to own up to the mouth washing but I DON'T say the other - I SWEAR! Oh wait, that's what started this whole problem ...

Testimonies of Little Children

Several years ago when I home taught with my father, one of our home teaching families asked us how it could be that little children could realistically bear a testimony about the gospel since they really didn't know too much about life and relied on their parents or siblings to assist them with their testimony. I don't recall what my father said, but the question has lingered in my mind since then and I seemed to think about it every time a child would bear his/her testimony at church.

A thought came to me this past Sunday and I shared it in my own testimony; I don't think I gave the subject much justice though. So I'm putting my thoughts down in writing and hopefully the written word will do justice to the insight I received.

When someone is baptized and then confirmed, they receive the Holy Ghost as a constant companion. Prior to this time, they can feel the influence of the Holy Ghost from time to time.

When a child goes up to bear his/her testimony, he/she has a belief and faith that what he/she believes is true and correct.

The same goes for adults. When an adult goes to bear his/her testimony, he/she has a belief or faith that what he/she believes is true and correct.

An adult relies on the Holy Ghost to assist him/her with the words to bear testimony concerning his/her beliefs and has faith that this belief is true and correct. A child, on the other hand, might rely on a parent or a sibling to assist him/her with the words of his/her testimony. The underlying principle is the same - the child or adult both has a belief and both have faith that what they believe is true.

A child's testimony may not have been tried and tested as much as an adult's testimony, and the child might be more capable of believing or having faith than an adult since he/she may not be distracted by worldly influences, but the underlying principle is the same.

The child relies on a parent or a sibling to provide the words of his/her testimony, while an adult will rely on his/her elder brother, the Holy Ghost, to assist him/her with what to say. Again, there are similarities between a child and an adult, each is relying on either a parent or a sibling to assist him/her with his/her testimony. The only difference is that the person providing the assistance for a child is visible when it is that child's parent or sibling, but the influence of the Holy Ghost is only visible to those watching with spiritual eyes.

That's the inspiration I received on Sunday. It came to me when I saw a sister helping her sibling with a testimony, and I thought to myself, isn't that what the Holy Ghost does?

The Fraud Squad

My wife took our Compaq computer to the Geek Squad at the Best Buy in Las Vegas located on the corner of Lake Mead and Rainbow on Monday the 26th of October 2009. She told them that either the video card/video card driver had stopped working and was not communicating with the monitor, and that the hard drive was full and needed to be defragged. She mentioned that I, her husband, had thought it would be a good idea to put the files contained on our computer's hard drive onto an external hard drive in order to free up space for our computer. The employee who spoke with her was rude and condescending toward her. In the end, they had her pay $386 up front for the following services at the following prices:


1) Data Protec (Advanced Data Management) for $80 (this appears to be a charge for saving our data files)

2) My Passport Esstential for $70 (this is a 250GB flash drive)

3) OS Service Diagnostic & Repair $200 (this appears to be a total wipe of our hard drive of all programs except some basic programs like Windows Media Player)

4) Computer Cleaning $30 (the employee who spoke to my wife had opened up the computer case and noticed a bunch of dust and suggested a cleaning)

5) Sales Tax $6


My wife was told that our computer would be ready by the 29th of October.


The Geek Squad called my house today, October 31st, and said that our computer was ready to be picked up. I drove down to Best Buy and spoke with another representative. He pulled out our computer and set it up to show me how my computer was working after the Geek Squad had supposedly finished servicing my computer.


The screen flickered like it had done prior to taking it to the Geek Squad. The employee said it was probably a result of my machine not talking to monitor correctly due age and settings. I instructed the employee to run a program. He chose Windows Media Player and my computer promptly crashed showing a blue screen that let him know the graphics card and/or graphics driver were not working properly.


The employee then opened the computer case and all the dust that was in there previously was still in there and it took him all of 5 seconds to point out that the upgraded graphics card we had in the machine was fried. I was beside myself at this point as it looked like the only thing that had been accomplished by the Geek Squad was a total wipe of every good program on our computer and a back-up of our data files on the 250GB flash drive. The orginal problem that drove us to bring our computer in was still unresolved and the cleaning we were being charged $30 for hadn't been performed.


The employee then went on to say that all that was needed to be done to fix the problem was to remove the upgraded graphics card and run the computer with the standard graphics card that was still in the machine. So he pulled out the card and then took 5 to 10 minutes to clean out the dust in my computer. After that, I noted that my computer could use an upgrade of its RAM. The employee helped me find 1GB of RAM that I could buy and put into my computer. Considering what I had just been through, I thought that I might be able to get a pretty good discount on the RAM so I asked the employee if he could give me one. The employee said he would have to ask his manager. The manager came and said all he could give me was a $10 discount - frustrated, I took the discount and paid $65 for the 1GB of RAM.


I then looked at my computer with the cover all ready off and asked if the employee could stick the RAM in the RAM slot for me so I could go on my way. The employee looked at me straight in the eye and said that he would have to charge me another $40 to stick the RAM in the RAM slot of my computer. Agast I said that I would do it and started to take the RAM out of the package; I was promptly told that I couldn't do that at the counter - I asked if I could sit down with my computer and work on it and he said that would be all right. Two minutes later, I had my RAM in my computer and put the cover back on the computer case myself and then started thinking $40 to do a two minute job is$1,200 an hour - man I should get a job installing RAM!


So after $451 and missed deadlines and horrible customer service, I am writing this post on the Best Buy Geek Squad message board and I am going to copy this post and put it on my blog and let all my Facebook friends know how the Geek Squad is actually the Fraud Squad and that my wife and I are taking our business elsewhere in the future.

AKA The Waterboy

At my house there are many positions on team Gubler. There's Mom, Dad, Daughter and Sister; but nothing compares to being named as "Waterboy". I've been serving in the position since 1999 though I have never officially received title or designation.

Valinda, whom we'll call coach, first started grooming me for the position after we found out Fred was on the way. Coach would be lying on our bed and I would come into our room, lie down and then start to get comfortable. As soon as I felt settled in, Coach would request in a sweet voice "Could you please get me a drink of water baby?" I would open my eyes look at the ceiling, grunt and then roll out of bed and bring her back a cup of water. Coach would then look at me and the cup and say, "That's kind-of a small cup." I'd grunt and turn around and bring her back a larger cup of water.

Coach would then explain to me that this routine was just training for when the baby came as the baby would require a lot of attention and would be waking up in the middle of the night.

So Fred arrived and, sure enough, required a lot of attention and midnight feedings. My job would be to run to the kitchen, make bottles for Fred in my half-sleep state, and take the bottles to Coach. Next came Jr. and then George. Same routine, though by George Coach was letting me slack off and would keep bottles close to our bed. It seemed like those first four months for each kid I didn't get much sleep; though I'm sure Coach slept less then me during those days. For all those who think Coach was mean to the Waterboy, I was glad to help out.

Currently, my duty is to provide water at bedtime. For instance, George will ask, "Dad will you get me some water in a sippy cup?" As I'm kissing her on the cheek and tucking her in.

"Yes," I say and hurry to the kitchen and fill up the first sippy cup I can find all the pieces to. I rush the sippy cup back to George whereupon she examines it and looks up at me and says, "Not this sippy cup Dad...I want the blue one!"

Coach trained me well.

Can Third Parties Be Effective?

I got into a discussion with my Uncle Tim concerning politics this last weekend and he indicated that third parties only have the effect of changing the outcomes of elections (think Ross Perot helping Clinton win by stealing away Republican votes and Ralph Nader helping George W. win by stealing Democrat votes.) That discussion left me wondering if third parties ever have been effective as presidential candidates.

Doing a little research on the internet, I found that the United States has had around four major political parties during its history.

The first major political party was the "Federalist Party" led by Alexander Hamilton and John Adams and was around from 1789 to 1820. This party favored an active Federal government, a Treasury that played a role in the nations economic life, and a Pro-British foreign policy.

The second major political party was the "Republicans" or "Democratic-Republican Party" led by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison and started in 1792. The party later morphed into the "Democrat Party" led by Andrew Jackson in 1828. For several years in the early 1820's this party was the only political party as it was so effective the "Federalist Party" dissolved. The party initially favored a limited Federal government, little government interference in economic affairs, a Po-French policy, and championed states rights. However, with FDR's election in 1932, the party sponsored far-reaching social-reform legislation. This legislation won the support of labor unions and blacks (due to unemployment relief); these groups continue to be large supporters of the "Democrat Party" today.

The third major political party started in 1829 and was named the "National Republican Party". The party later became known as the "Whig Party". This party believed that the Federal Government should actively promote economic development. This party dissolved in 1856.

So looking at these "Major" parties, it looks like only two major parties have existed at any one point in time. What about the success of third parties? And what about the fourth major political party I mentioned earlier on?

From what I can discern, the only really successful third party is also the fourth major political party. This party was able to draw enough members from the "Democrat Party" and the "National Republican Party" to be successful. In fact it was so successful and drew so many members of the "National Republican Party" that the "National Republican Party" dissolved. This party is known today as the "Republican Party", it started in 1854, and was also known as the "Union" party. The presidential candidate in 1860 for this party also won the election that year. His name...Abraham Lincoln. His platform included: (1) a promise to prevent admission of new slaves to the union, (2) a promise to diminish slaveholders' influence in the Federal Government, (3) championing manufacturing interests, railroad builders, speculators, and financiers, and (4) championing nationalism. In the 1980's Ronald Reagan sponsored a "New Federalism" - one that featured a smaller Federal Government which represented a shift in Republican thinking.

My conclusion is that third parties can have success, but that success must come by drawing members from other existing major parties over politically charged issues. Are the issues in our day enough to cause a change in parties? Possibly; it will be interesting to see how things shake out.

Here is a link to some information on the history of political parties.

The Divided States of America

A Russian academic has posited the United States of America will fall apart during 2010. Who is this Russian academic? His name is Igor Panarin and he is the dean of the Russian Foreign Ministry's academy for future diplomats and a former KGB analyst. He also prepared strategy forecasts for former President Boris Yeltsin.

What's even more unusual is that Panarin has been making this prediction since September 1998. He based his prediction on (1) moral and psychological factors and the stress of the American Population, (2) financial and economic problems, and (3) an increase of anti-Americanism in the world.

According to the Wall Street Journal, "[Panarin] predicts that economic, financial and demographic trends will provoke a political and social crisis in the U.S. When the going gets tough, he says, wealthier states will withhold funds from the federal government and effectively secede from the union. Social unrest up to and including a civil war will follow. The U.S. will then split along ethnic lines, and foreign powers will move in."

Panarin thinks of President Obama as the United States version of Gorbachev and that the United States will collapse like Gorbachev's USSR due to President Obama's inexperience. As a result, the United States will break-up into 6 pieces: (1) The California Republic (under Chinese influence); (2) The Texas Republic (under Mexican influence); (3) An Atlantic America (which may join the European Union); (4) The Central North American Republic (under Canadian influence); (5) Hawaii will be a protectorate of Japan or China; and (6) Alaska will be subsumed into Russia.

Back in 1998 everyone scoffed at the idea; however, now Panarin is getting quite a bit of press, which makes me concerned on several levels.

Panarin has described United States foreign debt as a "pyramid scheme" and predicts that China and Russia will take over the United States' role of global financial regulator.

If this is the road we are on, then we need to turn things around. A good start would be to particpate in the 9-12 project. This project is designed to bring people together on September 12th to remember the way we felt the day after September 11, 2001. According to the 9-12 project web-site, "We were not obsessed with Red states, Blue states, or political parties. We were united as Americans standing together to protect the values and principles of the greatest nation ever created."

Here is a link to the Wall Street Journal article, and here is a link to the 9-12 project site. Also, below is a YouTube video with Panarin.

Oh The Irony...

"I want to change my working environment...what do you mean I don't have a right to work here? I've worked here for 5 years!" Yes, amazingly enough this is the situation 30 workers and Republic Services of Nevada find themselves in.

I was watching the news the other night and the piece about the 30 workers who wanted to unionize their workplace at Republic Services of Nevada (our local sanitation company) who got laid-off cracked me up. Apparently, those 30 workers were undocumented workers. Republic Services, not one to miss a trick, promptly fired the workers for not being able to prove that they legally could work in the United States.

My favorite quote from Bob Coyle (VP of Public Affairs), "We do not hire undocumented workers."

So the 30 undocumented workers, some of whom had been with Republic Services for 5 years, just hired themselves? Come on Bob, I'm not buying it.

To me, another funny part about this is that it is being plastered all over the news and Teamsters Local 631 is trying to represent these illegals. Um, INS are you listening? There's 30 illegals over here at Republic Services trying to get their jobs back, you mind doing your job?

If there's any justice, Republic Services will get slapped with a fine for hiring illegals, get some sort of INS audit for their remaining workers, and the INS will step in and send the illegals packing.

My guess though is that the illegals stay in Nevada and file for unemployment benefits. Man the system is screwed up.

Here's a link to the article.

Creative Card Play

Last week Jr. came to me and convinced me that I really needed to play cards with her. So I worked in a few games of UNO in between playing in George's pretend band and eating my dinner (George got to be lead guitarist, but I played a mean couch cushion drum).

What really made the UNO game interesting was the way it was played. Before I get into how the game was played, I think I ought to point out that at my house Monopoly and many a grown up game is played with very unique rules. For instance, when you land on a property on the Monopoly game board and it is not owned and choose to buy the property, you get to immediately choose to place a green house or a red hotel on the property, thereby marking your territory. Houses and hotels do not affect the going rental rate by the way. This is a habit picked up from Disney Princess Monopoly; however, in Disney Princess Monopoly everyone gets castles in their own color, which helps to distinguish who owns what. One day someone is going to show them the real Monopoly rules...heaven help that person!

Back to Jr.'s UNO game. Apparently when you play UNO with Dad the rules dictate that you get to place all the "Wilds" and "Draw Four Wilds" in your own hand and then deal Dad a normal hand. Thus after I would play a card from my hand Jr. would wallup me with a "Draw Four Wild" and then choose a color that she knew I didn't have. Then she would let me continue drawing until I found the color I needed.

This worked pretty good for Jr. until she got down to one card left and I said "UNO" before she remembered to or I played my own "Draw Two" card as this caused her to pick up cards that weren't "Wilds". However, Fred soon came to Jr.'s rescue and whenever Jr. was forced to pick a card from the pile, Fred would make sure to look through the deck for Jr. and find a nice skip or reverse in the color Jr. needed.

The upside to all of this is that my misery of holding half the deck in my hand would generally go by pretty quickly as games didn't last that long!