I came home today from work and found out that Fred wants to quit karate. For those who are not aware, we signed both Fred and Jr. up for one year's worth of karate in May (cost over $900; classes are twice a week). I didn't have time to debate with Fred as I get home in just enough time to load up the troops and go to karate. On the way to karate, Fred gave her reasoning for wanting to quit. The reasons are as follows - (1) school is starting up soon and it will be too stressful with school, art and church to keep doing karate; (2) it hurts; and (3) she feels sick (i.e. headaches, runny nose - you know allergies!)
I didn't really know where to go with it and being a little upset and disappointed played the "let me paint you a picture" card and explained that Mom and I had shelled out over $900 for their karate lessons and that she would be throwing away half of that money if she stopped going to karate. Yeah, I know, probably not the right way to go about things especially with a nine year old - but I'm an accountant, that really hurts. Fred answers back with we don't have to get her anything for Christmas or anything else like MacDonald's until all the money was recovered - (WOO-HOO! I bet that would go over well with her for the next two years - uh, your sisters get a kids meal but you don't because of that promise you made, remember? I can hear the fits now - no thank you!)
So we get to karate and I have Fred sit and watch Jr. with me and George. After class we drive home and I'm thinking about the whole thing and come up with a plan. First, I'm going to my room and cooling off - yes, I removed myself from the situation. Second, I'm going to talk with Fred by herself (wouldn't Dr. Phil be so proud).
How did it go? I invited Fred in and we talked. I didn't realize how much I don't know how my daughter's mind works. Listen to this - I begin tackling the issues by telling Fred that stress is a part of life. Fred's response "Yes, but I don't want to have so much stress I get brain damage and die." If you are like me, you are like "WHAT? Brain damage?" If Fred was trying shock and awe, I think she accomplished her mission. How does a nine year old come up with that? I'm trying to connect the dots. Clueless still? Yeah, me too, until Fred explains that her GATE teacher told her that too much stress damages the brain (for those who don't know what GATE stands for, GATE = Gifted and Talented Education; you can tell Fred is gifted purely by the fact she is nine and we are nearing the end of summer and she is quoting her GATE teacher.) But there's more, her GATE teacher even showed a movie to the class on the subject of stress and the brain and how the brain is surrounded by water and floats in it - I couldn't make this stuff up. Okay, so we now know why stress is such a big concern. I try to explain that people can withstand a lot of stress and that she is going to have more stress in her life as she gets older; moms and dads have much more stress than what she has; there's a lot of stress going on "America's Got Talent" (Fred has a dream of being on that show); pioneers endured an enormous amount of stress; etc. I don't know if I got my point across.
What about the part where it hurts? Apparently she was kicking in one of the classes and she heard a pop and thought her knee went in and out of her socket and she wasn't trying to recover but her teacher got after her by saying "not to be lazy" and to keep kicking. I tried to explain to her that the teacher didn't know the leg hurt and that we just needed to let him know and he would be more mindful in the future. Fred's response was but when so and so was there the teacher asked her if she was all right. Aargh! I just had to assure her that we need to inform the teacher and he will do better.
Then I told her that there's nothing I could do about the allergies. She would just have to work through those. I told her I have allergies and I have to deal with them as best I can too.
I left the conversation with that she would need to make the decision on her own about karate, but I would be disappointed if she chose to stop as it was my feeling that if you make a decision to do something like karate, you need to see it through.
I'll have to wait and see where this goes - can't wait until the other two get older and also can't wait until Fred's a teenager!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
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8 comments:
I know I may be sticking my foot in it big time here with all your GATE readers, but one "weakness" of gifted and talented children is that loads of things come naturally to them so when something doesn't, they want to give up. Just some food for thought.
Also teaching children to finish what they started is an invaluable lesson that they will carry in to their adult life.
Totally agree with Kathy. Stick with it Fred! I find that I'm happier and more productive when I have a little stress in my life. Setting and accomplishing goals is a great part of life. And exercise always makes me feel better :)
with 32 years experience raising 5 gifted and talented children (and, thank Heaven, one "just" very bright child) quitting when it doesn't come easily is a HUGE problem. I would look up more on the stress and brain connection... in those "rating the stress in your life" 'tests' positive things ALSO count as stress but I doubt are considered damaging.
I am thinking the teacher needs some remedial classwork when it comes to what she shows the kids and how she handles their concerns. Gifted kids are WAY more likely to take the doom and gloom factors to heart, not many brilliant folks choose Pollyanna as their role model ! ! ! Yeesh
I would absolutely request to see the brain damage video and then rewatch it with Fred, pointing out any positives OR pointing out that it is only showing one side of the picture (if that proves to be the case). Parents of gifted children have rights too - like NOT having their children frightened by information they absorb - but don't really understand.
I WAS a gifted kid and there were a lot of things I got wrong and worried over and then YEARS later had the maturity, experience or courage to question - and finally got it right. My Mom used to tell us that if we lived to be 10 we had it made... I have NO idea why or what it referenced to in her life growing up. I can still remember - 45 yrs and 11 days later - how relived I was the day I turned 10 ! ! !
And on the money thing... if she does want to quit and have you recoup your loss by skipping Christmas, etc. (which is a TOTALLY believeable gifted kid thing to suggest - very different matter when it comes to follow thru, i.e. living it) You would need to put it in writing... a graph or something tangible so it would become more real to her.
X weeks is 2X lessons and the money spent divided by 2X is how much each lesson costs. A typical McDonalds visit is Y amount, a typical Christmas gift, birthday party, etc. budget amount is N. This little cutie did base 5 number theory with me when she was 7? so I know it would get thru.
Talking to the karate teacher and working thru the stress might look more appealing after perusing the proverbial spreadsheet... eh?
I love you both, I will keep you in my prayers (easy since I always DO)~ love Grammy
Umm Aunt Kathy I don't think as a school teacher you should be using the word weakness. I don't know what kind of things they teach in Utah but where I live special ed is now exceptional children and I'm pretty sure weaknesses are no-nos...
As a school teacher I think everybody has weaknesses whether it is P.C. or not.
lol, i may be terrible, but I love that "exceptional children" is the sped class. I know it's accurate, but that's still hilarious. One of my classes was "students with exceptionalities" or sthg equally vague, and it did "exceptional" on both ends of the scale.
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